When I saw her
by mis.tery10
Summary: Draco Malfoy's thought's about Hermione Granger and his regrets regarding her.


I knew it as soon as I saw her. This was going to be the girl I hated to love, but love her I would. She was everything I wasn't; clever, kind, selfless and she was everything I wanted. But then she got put in Gryffindor and I knew that we would have to be enemies, no matter how much I wanted otherwise. At least she isn't in league with Potter and Weasley I thought. However she's a muggle born. If my father saw me look at a 'mudblood' with anything less than a scowl, well I don't really want to go there. His blood status means everything to him, my father, if I 'dirtied' our family I'd be disowned and thrown on to the street to fend for myself. I thought that would be that, I'd be able to avoid her during the day; the only time I'd have to see her would be at meals. However fate, or maybe karma, decided to step in.; maybe it was my turn to suffer.

She walked past me in the corridor on the way to breakfast on my second morning at Hogwarts, I was with my friends, I stuck up my nose and sneered at her when she looked at me. I can still see the hurt and confusion that those big brown eyes held for a fraction of a second, until she returned my sneer with an equally cold glare of her own. At that moment I felt anger course through my veins, cursing my father for making me who I am, for believing that you have to have 'pure' blood to be worthy of anything or accomplish something. That day I decided I would make her hate me, make her give me such a look of revulsion, disgust, hate, that I wouldn't be able to not hate her back.

Then she became friends with Potter the prick and Weasel Weasley, I think I lost a tiny bit of respect for her then, just a tiny bit. I thought then that I had no competition, that I was safe; there was no way that she would ever fall for either Potter or Weasley, I mean a girl like that fall for one of those buffoons.

I watched her get closer and closer to them, the way Weasley watched her. Then she went to the Yule Ball with Viktor Krum and they fell out, her and Weasley and I thought that was it. I mean it was a pretty serious argument, everyone saw it, the whole school, plus all the guests. It was so bad I actually started to feel sorry for Potter, standing there in the middle, but then I caught myself; it wasn't that bad. But they made up, for a while.

In our sixth year, I made my critical mistake, the mistake that meant that I'd never be able to forget this girl. Weasley was being a pig, nothing new there, but I heard her crying, well I heard someone crying, so I went in to see if I could laugh at them to make myself feel better, but it was her, sat in the corner with her head bent over her lap. I walked towards her and as I got closer I could see the tears dripping off her nose onto her knees. She was sobbing so hard she didn't hear me approach, so I cleared my throat so she would know I was there. She jumped and when she saw me she turned away from me and I could just make out her saying 'What the hell do you want? Come to laugh? Spread rumours?' I couldn't believe she thought so little of me, I mean I know she had given me a pretty vicious punch, but that was three years ago. I didn't know how to reply but I said 'No actually, I've come to apologise to you and offer you a shoulder to cry on'. It just so happened that I needed a shoulder to cry on too, but that wasn't the point. I vowed to destroy the person that had upset her that much and I think it's a shame that I am no longer going to be able to finish that deed, or even start it. To my comment she replied 'Apologise? When have you ever apologised to anyone in your entire life?' I could sense her disbelief. I sat down next to her and started explaining, 'For the past six years I have been unforgivably cruel to you and I have hated every second of it. I did it to protect myself and to protect my reputation, when in reality I shouldn't have cared. The truth is, I love you and I always have, from the first moment I saw you on the Hogwarts Express. I felt my heart tear apart the minute I found out you were muggle born, the second you were put in Gryffindor and the day that you became friends with Potter and Weasley. I have waited for every glimpse of you and stared after you whenever you walked past. I could go and kill him for the state that he has put you in. If I had your heart I wouldn't be so careless with it, but now I've got no chance of ever having it in my possession and it's all my fault.' And with that I stopped, finally wiping the ever present tears from my cheeks and then I felt her arm go around me and all of a sudden everything seemed better. She shuffled closer to me and leant her head on my shoulder, just for a minute, but I felt her heart beat against my chest and I know that she felt mine, our tears streamed down our cheeks and dropped off our faces and met somewhere after that, but then the moment was shattered. My only moment with her, the best and saddest moment of my life, it stopped, when McGonagall walked in. She jumped away from me as though I had an electric current running through my body and she left. McGonagall looked at me sadly, as though she knew my pain and for the first time I wondered if the Gryffindor head of house was married, had a family, then my thoughts returned to her, just as they always do.

We never spoke of that moment again, but I don't think she hated me quite as much after that, I even saw her glancing at me out the corner of her eye when she thought I didn't know and I swear she smiled at me, once.

Then the three of them disappeared, everyone was searching for them, for one reason or another. They stayed safe, well relatively, for so long, but then they let my 'auntie' Bellatrix on her and I couldn't bear to watch, that's why I didn't turn Potter in; it, he, was my only hope of keeping her safe. They turned into heroes overnight and her dreams came true. Mine on the other hand were crushed.

It was nineteen years later the next time I saw her, she looked so happy, her children were so beautiful and I was so jealous. Potter shot me a small smile and then following his eye line she saw me. She beamed at me, she looked so happy to see me and then Weasley saw who she was smiling at and she stopped smiling, kissed him and whispered in his ear. He was placated; as easily as a child. After that each time I dropped off my son or picked him up was the best day of my life, until my son and Hermione's daughter gave me something us to look forward to; the union of our families.


End file.
